Monday, April 20, 2009


I'm sitting here at my desk made of smooth, dark wood, and staring out the window as dusk falls between the trees. Potted red tulips tinged with yellow are wilting, their stamens dusted with pollen, ready for bees that will never come. I'm sitting here imagining that I'm a writer, or a blogger with a thousand readers. What would it be like to know that so many minds are waiting to consume my words? What would it be like to write another chapter, an intimate dialogue, a poignant scene?

I've often heard that the lives of writers are dreary and lonely, that they plod away at their computers hour after hour, without any other human interaction but the fictional characters in their heads. It's a life I've always longed for, but don't quite know how to accomplish. I hear stories of the high school teacher who woke up at 5am for 5 years in a row to finish his first novel, or Stephen King, who worked 2 days jobs, got dozens of rejection letters, but stayed up all night writing. I want to be a writer, but I don't have that type of drive after a long day taxing my brain as a news reporter, and 2 hours of commuting.

There is one time of day that my mind is truly open to creativity, and writing. 7am, when I'm well-rested, my brain's fresh and new, and there's a steaming coffee cup nearby. But I only have 10 minutes to write in my journal at this time of day, then I'm rushing to work to make another dollar. There isn't time within the day to pursue what I really want, to write, something I feel with an ache so profound inside me.

I used to stay up late nights as a teenager in high school to write, and wrote a 100 page novella. I loved the way characters danced in my mind's eye, how I got to know them, how I felt their emotions. They came to life on pages that moved as fast as my fingers could write. I sent out several query letters to agents, but of course, all I recieved in return were rejection letters.

These rejections don't phase me, however. I just need time, and a good plot. Until I have those two things, I'm not sure how I will accompish writing a book and becoming an author. For now, I can sink into the melodramatic wonder of Star Trek: The Next Generation, until I'm able to create a strange new world of my own.


Colleen said...

Kristin... you are an amazing writer and I mean that with all my heart. I'm always in awe of your posts. They are so beautiful and vivid. I always feel like I'm right there with you. Keep going.

Paula said...

You will get there, you will. Drives like that do not go away. Some time when you find a way and a means, you will feel like you've come home to your true self. Sometimes though there is some sacrifice and discomfort involved in making room for those goals, and sometimes the road to success is long. Just as you feel the need to write, those reading are aware of your writing talent and enjoying it. I've always been a big fan of your writing and always enjoy reading your blogs.