Friday, June 19, 2009

Masochism is an Ugly Trait

Today I decided to combine two of the things I hate most: Waking Up Early, and The Dentist. During a brainless moment several weeks ago, I scheduled the one hour appointment at 8am , when I don't have to be to work until 10am. I dragged my sorry butt out of bed at 6am this morning to the sound of rain, and feeling feverish. My head felt like it was stuffed with thousand cotton balls, my hands clammy, and my eyes were weighted down with regret. Why did you do this to yourself! It was the mantra that kept me going this morning, like a little man pounding and shouting inside the walls of my head. I'd gotten home late last night after picking David up at the airport and eating dinner in the lovely and romantic city of Tukwila, and didn't fall asleep until midnight or so. Let the torture (masochism) begin.

In about 40 minutes, I will be reclined in the dental hygienists chair, trying not to hyperventilate as the giant needle comes at my gums. They will be numbed for the Deep Cleaning, which is a good thing after my antics during the last visit. I jumped and squirmed as the Hygienist poked and prodded, and finally, she admitted what we all know is Truth:

"I'm sorry, I'm torturing you, aren't I."

Yes, you evil little woman with the perfect, straight, amazing teeth - YOU'RE KILLING ME. I just nodded and tried to grin around the scalpel and electrodes in my mouth. The results of my first dental appointment after 3 years were NOT GOOD.

"You will need to come back for four separate deep cleanings," she told me, "We'll numb you so you don't feel a thing." Yeah, except for the feeling of the needle deep in my gums. The pressure as you dig for treasure along the walls of my teeth. The aching jaw as you fit your entire hands inside my mouth.

I know this is all my fault, but I hate the dentist. I'm trying to get over that fear by getting my teeth deep cleaned, and then going in for subsequent cleanings every 3 months. I know when my gums are free of bacteria and plaque, they will not hurt as much during cleanings. David was in the same boat, and got his deep cleanings already. He thought it felt like a gum massage, and actually enjoyed it. I know it's only because he got to drink a beer afterwards as a "reward."

I will be going to the mobile meat processing unit in Puyallup for a news story, and won't be able to hold my barf in as it dribbles down the numbed side of my face. Seeing where cows will soon be killed isn't my idea of a great time, rather unnappetizing. I'd much rather have a beer, and soak the pain of sore gums away. Then I will become a vegetarian.

Wish me luck today, everyone, wish me luck.


Colleen said...


Kristin said...

Yes, I'm horrified too :( I'll see the truck of doom for all cattle.

Colleen said...

I cry when I'm on the road and see one of those trucks. I catch them looking at me and I just burst into tears. It's so sad. They know what's happening. People think animals are these numb idiots, but they know. They know.

Paula said...

A slaughterhouse is one of my least favorite places in the world - not that I've been inside, but driving by, watching animals as they wait for their impending doom, tears at my heart. I am sure they sense what is going on - animals are intuitive. And David, enjoying deep cleanings? I would switch to his dentist! Maybe better pain killers, or something. It is worth going every 6 months, my cleanings are not traumatic or painful.

Lisa said...

I couldn't do the news story when it came up all Friday afternoon. I asked Brian to do it. I was so awful to think about. Everyone seemed to love watching my horrified reaction to the story in the news meeting. Sick-os.

As for the gum poor thing. Next time, get NITRUS OXIDE!!!!! It helps a lot.

abigail said...

that sounds horrible! I hate the dentist too! And a slaughterhouse how sad! I could not handle that. You are a serious journalist!

Kristin said...

I should tell everyone I got to skip the mobile slaughterhouse, much to my sanity. I would have HATED going to that, very disturbing. the other stories I did were much more intersting